boys

meaning of a boy[adapted from a friend]

dictionary says:
an immature or inexperienced man,
especially a young man.

i say:
a confused species, with a majority of them suffering
from a well-known disease also known as JERK`ism.
[a terrible and life-threatening disease which cannot be cure]

how true. ><



yesterday at mac there were some really psycho guy.
they came in as a group, all smelly and sweaty.
most probably went to play basketball.
yes, that eccentric guy insisted on siitting at the table
next to us, while his friends wanted to sit somewhere
further away.but he just kept insisting.
yingji baby and i, being the nice people,
gave them back the extra table we took.
and being that ol` soo so so so wacko guy,
he thanked us like he never meet nice people before.
so all i did was said that it`s okaye.
[with the same gestures he did when he thanked us]
he and his foul-smelling group sat beside us,
while we just keep laughing at how
ludicrous young adults can be.
CRAZEE!!!



i`ve such a frenzied one and a half month
of tests and heavy load of homework.
finally in the middle of the week a break from all this.
have been so caught up with all this,
that there`s hardly anytime for myyself.
hmmph. !@#$%^&* so yes!at last...
but its kind of boring.cooping at home all alone.
while everyone`s in school hors, evonne?!
haha >< for once i feel so relaxed so calm.
can`t be bothered to think of what might happen
tomorrow or the day after tomorrow.
just plainly slack and rest and recoperate.
recharged again for the coming pile of homework.
so for now, i`ll just laze away... x)
i`m living such n unhealthy life.
it`s all stress stress study study study hard
and no play hard.no destress.
to exacerbate it, myy parent`s just can`t shutt up.
especially myy dad.why can`t he just don`t bother
like how he used to.having myy mama nagging
is enough, and now you adding it.
it`s not like i don`t do myy homework i don`t study.
not like myy results don`t show.
you all just plainly find it an eyesore to see me,
using the comp, talking on the phone, smsing.
great, and those are like the only way for me
to communicate/socialise to the outside world.
those were like the last resort to help me destress.
but NO.you got to butt in, making me feel like
some robot who just feeds on petrol and has
no bloody freedom or feelings.
i tryy so hard just to squeeze in a little time
to relax a little before i start with myy daily homework.
it`s not as if i don`t complete all myy bloody homework.
i don`t even bother with you all with myy homework.
everything is like mostly independant.
if you don`t even help me when i have problems
with myy homework, you got no right to tell me off
when i get poor results.so what if i failed myy maths.
had you put in any effort to help me score better?!
NO.so just shut your trap.at least i know i tried.
at least i know you guys did nothing to help.
i didn`t want to faill either, you don`t know
how i felt when i failed myy test.
you never onced cared about how i feel because...
because you don`t trust me.
you don`t believe that i have put in effort.
to you all[myy parents] i ever am,
was a slacker who doesn`t bother
about anything but herself.
and have never pressurised herself,
therefore has never experienced stress in her
entire 14 years on this earth`s surface.
it`s only myy maths and chinese that
i don`t score well.i, myyself, am satisfied with
myy other subjects.so when is it your turn
to be not pleased with me.
when is it you turn to judge me, to tell me
what to do when you never cared about me.
you don`t even deserve the right to judge who i am.
i don`t owe myy life to you.so what if you were
the one who broight me to this world.
i never want you to give birth to me right.
it was all God`s plan, thus myy life i`ll lead
it the way God wants me to. and not you
to plan what and how i should live myy life.
i don`t have to allow you to crawl over myy head,
and let you order me around with all your
specific commands, i`m not your slave.
i`m your child for goodness sake.
why can`t i ask myy maid to get me a glass of water,
when you taught me to.by asking me to get
your newspaper all the time in the middle of the night.
who do i learn this habit of asking myy maid to get me things,
YOU!!!so why scold me, when you too do it unconsciously.
and i thought maybe the "i not stupid too" movie,
could help improve our parent-and-child relationship,
nevertheless, it had worsen it.how i hate this movie so much.
how i abhor you guys for ruling myy life.
why don`t you just put yourselves in myy shoes,
and live the life you so want me to.
is it your problem that i stay up and do myy homework.
is it your problem that i plan what i`ll do today.
is it your bloody problem that i faill myy maths.
its so not.cause i know what i`m doing,
and you hardly got any clue about who i am.
have you once ever felt proud of having me,
as your child?!i guess you never.
all because i rarely reach your expectations,
i`m just a total failure to you.
all because i have a hwa chong brother.
a all-rounder, a multi-talented, a smarty pants brother.
and comparing both of us, i`m just a loser/failure in life.
while myy brother knows-it-all.
like i wanted to be this way.
i`m human afterall lors.i`ve got myy limititaions,
myy aborption capacity.
i`ve tried so many ways just to please you guys.
to make me feel that you all cared.
but for god knows how many umpteen times,
it was all in vain.i never faill to disappoint you all.
but everytime i failed to gratify you.
what more do you want from me...
haven i had enough of all this.
you guys just insist i shouldn`t dropp ballet,
yet have you guys ever seen me perform in class/on stage.
how shiit i felt how discouraged i felt among the rest?!
you only assumed i was good, and so forever
will i be that graceful small little dancer i used to be.
things change, i`m don`t have that stupid potential
everyone assumes i have.i don`t have that talent.
just stopp lying to me.and to yourself.
when you know nothing.stopp forcing me/pressurising me/
threatening me to go back to ballet.
i know myyself well enough that i`m not up to it.
with such a hectic life in school already,
i`m too busy, i can`t cope.i got no time.
can`t you all ever understand?!stopp being so fucking obstinate.
i`m out of bsf because, i got no time.
you always want me to rush from place to place.
have you ever spare a thought for me,
or at least myy body, it can`t take it also.
i might just collapse and die on the streets,
without anyone knowing...
so now, have i not experienced what being stressed up is like.
you don`t motivate me anymore.
i motivate myyself to study for myself.
to prove to you i`ll be a capable and not useless person in future.
i`ll be far more accomplisehed/proficient than
any of you all.and it won`t be thanks to you all.
but to me cause you did nothing to be what i`ll be henceafter.
you gave no encouragement, instead all were discouragement.
so just SHUTT THE FUCK UP.



i know it`s been about 2 years.
neither do i want such separation to take place.
i`m really sorry geraldine and junhao.
but look at the situation now.
no one bothers about it.so why should it continue.
it`s meaningless thus i`d say its just a name.
after all those we`ve been through,
it definitely is hard to just let go.
but your attitude just conceals it.
the way you treat us.it`s not that we found better friends.
maybe ger and junhao you don`t what
it`s like being in the same class/level
yet your very own friends of rhe same
clique don`t fucking bothers about your existence.
that actually resulted to us being with
the other people around us.who accepts
who we are.i`m genuinely sorry to you, ger and junhao.
hopefully you guys won`t just see it at their angle.
cause sometimes, things are just that simple.
but some people just rattle off like some major offence.
there`s always two sides of the story.
maybe you might not be interested in ours,
and just conclude that it`s our bloody fault.
it`s up to you all.i won`t obligate anyone.
i just somehow see no point when it`s already up to
such a juncture...



that`s all for today.tata *((:

will the violins be playing? 11:32 ;