kill me

i`m sorry for the past few days.
i know i`ve gone a little too emotional.
[not like i wanted to]


will someone just come up
and shoot me, right at the heart.
`cause i cant suppress it any longer.
it`s killing me inside. agonising pain.
no one knows how much it hurts,
how i truely feel.what am i becoming of now?!
it`s no longer about holding back
those tears, it has long surpass that.
true enough your heart is the worst weapon
; fatal as it can be.

what am i to you?!
am i really that insignificant?!
that worthless?!
that meaningless?!
at first, i thought it was just me,
i wanted you, so much of you,
so much from you ; too much from you.
all i wanted was to help you.
i didnt want you to be down.
then i thought it was just me,
i was selfish, self-centered,
i didnt care about you felt.
then i thought it was just me,
`cause i doubted you,
i lost trust in you.
i allowed my imagination
to run wild, i hated everyone
around you [girls/boys/everyone]
i was possesive.
then i thought it was just me,
it was my mind playing tricks on me,
making me think more,
being pessimistic.
then i thought it was me again,
cause i became emotional,
i failed to control my feelings.
i allow it to dominate me entirely.
i really dont know what else more...
what have i done?!
have i just ruin everything?!
blame me again, for having a heart,
a heart that loves you so much,
a heart that is oversensitive,
a heart that yearns for you only,
a heart that responses towards you,
a heart that controls me,
a heart, a heart, just because of this heart.
so i urged you to get rid of it,
take it out of me, take it away from me,
take it to you, then perhaps,
you`ll be able to understand
what this heart has yet to express to you.

i apologised for being dubious.
i cant help it.assumptions and assuptions.
only when i`ve got answers will
i stopp doubting, hence i assume.
perhaps to anger me more,
to make me jealous more,
to relief me from the sorrow,
then will my mind rest ; insecure
doubts are inevitable.

pretense.i mention once.
i sense it.its there, right in front
of our very faces.can you feel it?!
or had you chose to be oblivious?!
i guess i somewhat admire you,
how i wiish i had the personality of yours,
being ignorant about what lies
in front of us.you can just see through
this dilemma, as thou it had never occur.
how i wiish i had that capability.
saddening isnt it, that i dont,
neither can i just let it go.
this quandary, had already build up
high enough to blind the road ahead of me,
to hinder me from moving any further.
but to you, was it even there?!
reality, isnt something i`m gonna run away from,
neither can i even escape from its clutches.
you can run, hide, but it`ll still beat you,
crush you into pulp, until you`ve find a cure,
to solve it. to break free from it.
have you?!

i never wanted to see you upset,
pissed off, besides, i hated it.
but i dont what i`m suppose to do,
what i can do to cheer you up.
i know i fail time and time again,
i guess even i dont have the ability to,
perhaps some other person,
some other person who could replace me.
wouldnt your life be free of angst,
then will i only be happy,
to see you happy.

you never know how hurtful
your words were,
so sharped it`d pierced right through me.
you never took notice
of my existence.
i guess you`re preoccupied
with some other stuff.


do tell me if ever...
i`ll understand.
i`m sorry once again,
guess you`re tired of hearin it.
everyone else is; not me thou.
[i guess i never will be]
`cause it was i who had added
on, to cause you even more misery.
and that shant be forgiven/pardon.
sorry.

will the violins be playing? 00:01 ;