you always left me

i suddenly had the urge of crying. it hasnt been long since the last time i cried. its still fresh in my memory, how every single drop trickled down my cheek. there are many things i`d really want to cry for.


what a way to start the holidays huhh. everyone`s getting hyped up, and i`m here like a sober. i feel so horrible within me. nothing seems to be going right, like when has it ever been right in my life. i`m talking about my miserable life. i, made my life so awfully complicated, that sometimes even i cant comprehend my own thoughts. and i expect outsiders to?! haha this must be a joke. but nevertheless, its always nice, really nice, to feel as though someone does knows you inside out. then there wouldnt be a need to explain stuffs. i`m really kinda sick and tired of trying hard to explain myself. why cant you just go figure it out. i bet it never came across your mind to even ever get to understand me. that`s whats the whole point of this relationship. it only looks so NICE on the surface. it`s just seems stupid to me, to breakdown like some mentally disabled person. while seeing you being so insensitive to my feelings. maybe i was to you. then forget it, i deserved whatever shiit you shoved down my oesophagus, i`ll even work extra hard so that the expansion and contraction of my muscle will make it easier for you to push those shiit down. everytime when i really needed you the most, you seem to appear only on my mind, never physically there to hear me out, to at least listen to nothing. you might think i`m so foolish, relying on you so much. but what am i suppose to do without you. you dont seem to understand do you?! there`s no need to comfort me, as your presence comforts me, there`s no need to cheer me up, as your tender-looking eyes cheers me up, there`s no need to pamper me, as with you by my side, is all it needs to sustain my life. everytime i`m moody or sadd, you show little concern, and instead got angry and moody and sad. sorry. i expect too much from you. i just hope you wont ignore me, cause i dont think i can bare it anymore. i have my reasons, or i think i have. i know you are getting tired. i`m sorry. i should have known better, not to implicated more people due to my miserable life. that`s why sometimes i choose not to talk about my problematic issues, i guess i`d prefer to keep mumm or pretend things are okaye. another thing for not willing to speak up anymore, is because i`m afraid, in fact terrified to say the wrong stuffs, i`ve experienced how words on its own have caused much agony, and i dont want to say things that annoy, irritates or put people down. it`s a phobia i`ve recently developed?!

* 2 different worlds were never meant to force to form a whole.there`s always a boundary ; like a watershed, dividing them.




leave me alone. like you always have.
i hated it, but i`ll get used to it.

will the violins be playing? 17:09 ;